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Jan 06

Earl & Helen RIP, I miss you guys

Death, Facebook, Parenting, Uncategorized, fears Add comments

Ok I know this is my first blog post of the new year, but I didn’t know what to write about.  Every time I would start to write I couldn’t find the words because I couldn’t get my thoughts off of my dearly departed friends.  Truth be told I have been beating myself up for not being a better friend to them, and being so distant from them when the time came for them to leave this earth.  Its taken me many days of soul searching to realize that they were my friends and I have no doubts that if they were still here and we were to see each other we would pick up like there was no time lost what so ever.

I know that their is a lot of grieving happening over on facebook, and while I know I cross post from here to twitter I feel that this is a slightly better forum for me so that I don’t step on any feelings over there.  If you have been following my blog posts you know that I have a certain respect for facebook as a public space, but this here is my personal space so this is where I am going to do my grieving for them.

I know this is the time of Earls passing but the close proximity brought back a lot of what I had tried suppress from Helen’s passing and I mean no disrespect to Earls memory.

I don’t think I can say anything more about Helen that I haven’t already said I really really miss her.

To Earl Glover, man we had some good times together, JROTC, skipping school to have water fights, the graduation party in your moms basement…. LOL I still remember the line on the wall down there from where people were dancing up against it.  I know that some of the things I did made you question my loyalty but in that situation I don’t know what the best choice was but I was torn between 3 good friends, and from the way things turned out I ultimately think it worked out for the best.  I know we hadn’t talked in many years but you looked out for my sisters down there in Florida and for that I am eternally grateful.  Know that you are missed and loved down here bro!

Finally I wrote this… as a way to clear everything that was in my head… I am posting it because maybe others are feeling similarly… but know I am not a poet

———–
With a heavy heart I write
as I try my best to make sense of this life
I mean are our days truly as short as they seem
Does it even make sense to try to accomplish our dreams
When life can be ended without any notice
I swear its hard for me to sit here and focus
I’m a military man so death is no stranger
I put boots the sand to protect home from danger
I’ve woken to sounds of bombs going off
Looked into craters where many lives were lost
But I never thought not in my wildest dreams
That death would strike near my heart so close to home
See I’ve looked in the eyes of people that wanted me to die
I’ve gone far from home to defend a lie
Just to come home to hear that it wasn’t enough
That life back here was still looking rough
But the pains of the country still take a backseat
I sit here today with my head hung in grief
In the past 4 months I’ve lost two good friends
and I can’t help but wonder GOD WHY THEM?
I mean… I’m the one thats out here risking my life
Spending years of my life to make other folks problems right
stealing years from my kids for some cause or another
so why should their kids lose their father and mother
And I know people say, “Its all God’s plan”
Well thats just something I can’t understand
Why allow suffering pain and grief
why steal them away like a house robbing thief
But the longer I sit here I start to understand my pain
its not an anger at God, I think I am to blame
I know I didn’t do things to put them in ground
But I can’t stop thinking I wish I had been around
Their lives had much value and the earthly jobs done
This part of their fight has already been won
I can’t sit around being upset or angry
I may miss the lesson that God set up plainly
I shouldn’t be upset over the time I’ve been away
In this life we all have our own roles to play
Our friendships were strong and written in stone
So on that sweet day when God calls me home
I know they will be there waiting next to his throne

One Sweet Day – Acapella Version

  • teresaglover
    Nate I appreciate you for being there for me during the lost of my Hubby Earl.. and just for that u have all his blessings.. i know he is grateful... never one to hold grudges and never spoke one bad word about cha... love ya and glad to have a new friend!!!
  • Your more than a friend your family to me, you saw how we roll! If you ever need anything don't hesitate to reach out, I just wish I had met you sooner
  • Hope
    Nate...very well put...I pray that in 2010 one of the things you will stop doing is blaming yourself for so much that is/was out of your control. You are a gr8 wonderful man and there are plenty other magnificent things about you but YOU NEED TO REALIZE IT FOR YOURSELF!! Love you lots Nate, Hope ;-)
  • md20737
    I am glad to hear from you again. Im happy you are able to express yourself and get this off your chest.
  • Awww this was so beautiful and I am so sorry for your loss. Nate, contrary to popular belief it isn't God's will when someone dies. If it was why wouldn't we except it? Death is a thief and the bible says time and unforeseen occurrence befalls us all, So by whatever manner your dear friends lost their lives know that it wasn't part of a plan. Death is a part of life. But, God has made arrangements for all of us to see those we love again one day. Revelation 21:3, 4, Psalms 37:9-11, 29. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
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