SGTMcClain dot Net

A few days ago I was having a conversation with someone and it struck me that thanks to the political correctness that is pushed constantly here in america the forms of racisim have some what shifted.

The person I was talking to was a black female, and she was intent on blaming every problem she had on the fact that everyone she worked with was racsist.  You know if I didn’t know any better I would think it was plausable seeing that she is the only black person that works in her office, but since I know the other people in her office I am forced to think that unless they are really good at hiding their real selves then she way off on her accusations.

She asserted that they have never liked her because she was black, but in a totally seperate conversation with one of the people in her office, a white male, who just so happens to be my roommate.  I found out that she came in to the deployment late and broke a system that was running very effectively.  Personally I can see how people would be a little standoffish towards a dictator.

This is brings me to my point, we as black people have got to get over this hypersensitivity towards people over race.  Why are we so quick to pull the race card when, at least in my experience, their are many other factors to why a person treats you a certain way.  I know I am going to catch a lot of flack for this but these are my thoughts and this is my page, if you disagree feel free to comment or leave.

In my opinion true racists are not going to be in your face with their racisim, they are going to do their dirt in the shadows.  Add to that if you are a standoffish person then people are going to be standoffish towards you.  Why would anyone want to be friendly to someone who acts like because your skin color is different from theirs they have to have a stronger personality towards them.  But when it comes to members of their own race they open up nearly completely.  That act in itself is racist in a way.

My father, while really scholarly, has racist tendencies and in some ways I understand, he has had death threats from the KKK, he has been passed over for jobs he was more than qualified for by less qualified white people in his time, so I can empathize with his position, but I am not here to say its right.  The issue these days are young blacks growning up who have never been discriminated against thinking that everytime someone of a different race does something that they don’t like its because they are a racist.  Honestly its a weak cop out and we have to get past this if we are ever going to be able to move forward.

Personally I feel like if we are ever going to get ahead we will have to stop living in the past and start focusing on the future, and if you do find racisim in your your world just try avoid it and move on to something more positive.

I am writing this in the hopes that my experiences will help someone else, well that’s also the reason I blog.

I am a normal average Soldier deployed to Iraq and I have thoughts of taking my own life.

I am still a little scared that I have these thoughts but I doubt I would ever follow them.  But sometimes I just feel like the world would be better off if I wasn’t in it, and sometimes nothing but time can help me shake that feeling.  Sometimes it comes because I am lonely, or because I am not where I think I should be in life, or because I let someone that depends on me down.

The part of this that I would like to share though is the part where I a beginning to think that everyone feels low at times, I say that because almost every friend I talk to can tell me of a time when they were in this low place as well.

I am beginning to think that its not a bad thing to feel like you want to end your life, I think the bad part comes when you try to bottle it up inside like everything is okay, and the over time the thoughts become desires or worse.

I am starting to understand that if you get those feelings off your chest, by talking, going to the gym, or just spending time doing something you love, you eventually get to a point that you don’t remember feeling that way, at least that’s the way I feel.

Thank you to all of my friends who have been their for me in my times of need, know that I will be there for you and I promise not to cast a judgmental eye on anything you bring to me.

I don’t profess to be the smartest person in the world, but I like to be knowledgeable about the things I talk about at least somewhat.  As I am sitting here in the airport I am hearing someone talk ignorantly about the Mac vs PC debate.

Now most people know I am a recent mac switcher, and I love it!  Granted I have worked with and on PC’s since I was about 11 or 12 years old.  Yes I prefer Mac’s to PC’s and I prefer an iPod to a Zune, but I can admit that they aren’t for everyone.

This guy sitting across from me is just talking craziness about why PC’s are better than Mac or Microsoft is better than Apple and I just find it laughable.

He says that the only reason anyone buys an iPod is because everyone else has them.

I used to think this, back before I used my first iPod.  I will aruge that there are very few people that can’t understand why people like the iPod after using it for a short time, heck even my roommate gave up his old mp3 player for a shuffle.  Mind you this guy was talking about how overly expesive the iPod was and then he whips out his Gen 1 Zune… it was all I could do to contain my laughter.

He also started talking about how there is no software for Mac’s and how he couldn’t understand why anyone would purchase one since after you do you have to buy all your software from Apple.

Again I am not an expert but this hasn’t really been an issue since Mac’s started using the intel processor.  I will admit that there are some programs that don’t have a Mac equivalent… (Quicken comes to mind) but all I do is start up VMWare and run all the windows programs I like!

I could go on with more that he is talking about but I would rather just sit here and nod… ultimately I am just trying to get back into a blogging routine and hopefully I can make just writing my thoughts more of a habit.

I can’t wait to get to the point where I can actually write blogs the way I actually want to with pictures and reference links but right now I am stuck with the resources I have, which currently is the wifi in an airport in Ireland, and we are about to board.

This will be short and sweet,  in 1 hour R&R will officially be over and I have to start acting like a soldier again.  But its only 42 days until we are done with this mess deployment, checkout the countdown timer on the right side of the page!!!  Thank you to everyone that helped or at least tried to help make my trip more enjoyable, when I am back stateside look for big projects from me, I will start talking about them more here as they are developed.  My goal is to be in the position to start my own business by the end of 2010 and be able to have that business be my main income source by 2015.  I am willing to take anyone along for the ride that wants to contribute and I will do what I can to boos you up as well, lets help each other reach the top!  I’m headed to the gate now but please keep me and my unit in your prayers!!

Well folks I am getting dangerously close to the end of R&R and I think I have just experienced the hardest part, I just said goodbye to my kids and I have to admit it hurt like hell.  We had a great time together, I know I am biased but I know I have the greatest kids in the world… you may not believe me but if you ever have the pleasure of meeting them you will see what I mean..  I wish I could have them with me full time but thats content for another post.

Fellas if you got kids and you are spending time with them you are truly missing out, I learned so much from them in the few days we were together.  I can honestly say that my kids make me a better person.

If your curious to how things went you are welcome to view my twit pic stream on the right side of this page and also view my pictures at http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=292321&id=596490566&l=930b0f39a3 .  I will warn you though… if I don’t personally know you don’t bother trying to add me on facebook without at least sending a message because you will get quickly denied, however you don’t need a a facebook account to see the pics.

Outside of that anyone who has any ideas for how I should spend the last few days of leave hit me up with ideas in the comments below… I am also not opposed to any meetups in the DMV.

Oh deal or no deal update, I decided time with my little ones was more important than spend a day trying to get on a show where I could try to win a million dollars… my kids are worth WAY more than that, and if god wants to give me the opportunity for I milli he will do it without making me have to choose between that and my kids!

This post isn’t going to be long it’s just that I am frustrated with who I am. While I respect the man that I am I can help I wishing that I was capable of being something or somebody else. Tonight I had a great time out with one of my female firend, and she told me about her difficulties in a “relationship” she is currently in. And while I heard her talk all I could think about is that here I am listening to yet a mother guy fucking up the heart of a great woman.

And what makes it so bad is the fact that I know that could do better, but I can’t. I guess trying to do the right thing Ultamitley doesn’t pay off in the long run. It just leads to a very lonely life.

I have too much respect for women to treat them like crap but it seems like that’s all anyone truly wants.

Some woman out there please explain in detail, why yourale friend cannot be a good a man to you? I understand that a lot of “men” try being your friend as a part of their game. But a guy that’s really genuine about his shit gets put in the friend dungenon for being such a good friend.

I think I am done with all this BS. I’m going to concentrate on me and my kids screw friends and relationships it’s Ultamitley a waste of time I think.